Simplicity

Sunday, July 31, 2005
7/31/2005 11:38:00 PM

wow.

i can't find the exact words to say.

i'm happy.

i will embrace the next 4 years.

was just reading about my modules. what to do and expect. and it's alot! alot of readings. i fancy myself spending alot of time reading and preparing work. i'm ready for a time of intellectual stimulation. in fact, i cant wait to start now..now now now!

but wait....one more week...

anyway, it's good to know ms chan's in my lit and lang lect..ann's in the lit lect too! but lora's gonna be there too..boohoo...

ms chan was telling me that i didn't miss out anything. orientation was boring, there were no cute guys(can u imagine that???). haha... thank God i didn't waste my time and money on orientation. i always believe that i'm too old for all the cheers.

i can't wait for school to start!

i foresee lit to be fun, since we are doing lolita, lang to be interesting,since i'm going to be an english teacher, econs to be revision of old things, sea to be challenging, and sw to be slacky. hahaha... how nice....

that calls for time management.

i'm finally an undergraduate. that makes my parents proud to see this day coming to pass.

"I fear no evil, for You are with me, strong to deliver, mighty to save...He's got the whole world in His hands.."

Friday, July 29, 2005
7/29/2005 10:19:00 PM

the day did not end well(it was supposedly to actually..)

went town for desert at this super posh place hopefully to end my day on a high note(since i was told that the place is nice, the deserts are good according to reliable sources...)

but the servers were bad. attitude was terrible and i shan't continue on that.

then i saw him.

was told that he was staring at our table even before we sat down. then i noticed this guy was staring at our direction.

then i realised.

it was josh.

and i haven't spoke to him eversince last yr. bad blood if you want to say that.

he's not someone who keeps his promises and i decided not to waste my time on such.

was told that he's not cute.

muahahahaaa... i'm evil.

and he had the cheek to keep staring at us and trying to get my attention. he lost the chance. too bad.

and he came by to say hi. and he still dared to say hi.

whatever, i'm irritated by his ego.

then was checking my modules.

and i din get my sc1101e module aka the highly sought after sociology module that i'm dying to read. i'm super irritated.

what a way to end today.

looks like i need to find another module to do.

well, at the end of the day, God is good and He works in ways i cannot see.

"Jesus i believe in You."

Thursday, July 28, 2005
7/28/2005 11:16:00 PM

Final Post Before My Goodbye

These 5 months in school has taught me alot. Not just in terms of teaching but also how to relate to different people. alot of people to say something to and here goes:

To my classes(not in any order of merit)

212: thanks for all the fun and laguther we have in class. I think I'm the only teacher who made you greet me sitting down! jokes, games and laughter aside, I really hope that some of you would get serious as exams are approaching. Always believe in yourself. Many of us got the potential in us which are just uptapped. I know some of you face problems in school or at home, I just want you to know that Ms Tan is always there for you to lend a listening ear and to pray for you.

202:you all have been a great bunch of people to teach and joke around. I really enjoyed teaching you all. But of course, when it's time to get serious, you all should know what to do. Some of you are feeling very stressed due to the exams but always remember that you are a human. learn how to allocate your time properly and destress when necessary! you have to perform, but not at the expense of your health and well-being.

201: though i have only taught you guys for about 5 weeks, it warms my heart to see that some of you are actively participating during lessons and that's a huge encouragement to me. continue to keep up this spirit of excellence!=)

204: your quiet ways really warms my heart and thanks for listening in class, though some of you felt that lessons were boring. i hope you have understood what i have been trying to convey in class and never hesitate to ask me(yes, even via email!)

206: thanks for being such a funny class and i will certain miss certain people from your class. though i tend of shout and scold your class alot, do know that i really enjoy teaching you all and your endearing moments really make me smile.

209: i apologise that my lessons seemed quite boring to some of you but nevertheless, i hope you will do your best for the exams. some of you got the potential to do so!

210: though i'm not teaching you all this term, i still remembered you all!i think some of you hates me but even so, thanks for all the fun and laughter in class that evokes both smiles and tears at the same time. i will never forget all you lot's sweet gestures and i appreciate all of you. continue to work hard for the exams ahead!

102: so much i want to say about you all but i realy don't know where to start. you guys are a very sweet bunch of children and i still remember fondly how you all crack jokes in class. yet when you work, you all were serious and that is good! keep that up and never forget to play hard too! you all are still young, so learn how to balance and cope for the years to come! i enjoyed teaching you lot!

to my fellow colleagues who shall be unidentified to protect their privacy...

stay sane in the midst of insanity. you lot have been a great blessing to me. and hey,i'm just opposite you most of the time ok??

goodbye everyone.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005
7/27/2005 11:37:00 PM

hopefully i'll make more sense now.

bidding starts in 10 hours' time.

i cant believe this, i am really heading to the university in less than a week's time.

and i must say that i'm pretty much more fortunate. though this journey has not been smooth-sailing all the time, i thank God for seeing me through certain things, in fact, all the time! sometimes we need to count our blessings. some of my friends struggled to get into university, some are still stuck in polys. and yes, those army kids like the best friend.

he just said he cant make it on sat nite. boohoo.

i miss my best friend, mr ip!

but that's besides the point.

today i've discovered some things about myself.

i'm very sheltered.

i'm altrustic.

i'm a perfectionist.

maybe that is why i hesitate alot. because i want perfection in every situation. hardly attainable in this oh-not-so-perfect world.

i must stop being so caught up with the mundane and look at the big picture. there must be a balance(thus saith mr wahab!)

2 more days and i would be history in NHSS.

to my classes:

i forbid anyone to feel upset. you can only feel happy because i'm gone.it is definitely not coincidence that i came to teach. you have impacted my life and i hope i have(somehow..) impacted you(in a positive manner i hope..)

Monday, July 25, 2005
7/25/2005 10:30:00 PM

Tired is an understatement.

I lost strength in my right hand. Too many things to carry today. Who had ever imagined there's so many things to do during matric??

Before I continue, Jet Star Asia and Valuair merged. I call that reaping economies of scale. Econs hur hur hur...ECONOMICS!

It won't be long, 4 more days...

I want to do a review of my 5 months in NHSS. But I'm too tired to say anything else.

This post is fragmented. I'm just typing off-head what the mind dictates.

The news on new flats was on just now. And it is amazing how many guys would just tell their girlfriends, "let's go get a flat" as their proposal to get married. Come'on guys, I'm sure you can do better than that.

Hopefully next time, the boyfriend won't use such cliche to propose.

Ahhh..I'm not making any sense. I think I better go sleep.

I lack sleep!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2005
7/24/2005 08:54:00 PM

has been quite sometime since i updated.

let's see...

fri...went to help mel shift her things over ntu(ulterior motive according to karin) and it was so fun! fell asleep on her new bed..went to holland v to chill with andrea..

woke up bright and early to marry rachel off on sat. the wedding was a cozy event. not many guests, just comfortable. terry gave the briefing on how to usher the guests and jason made this remark that i look like delia. gosh! delia's like how pretty can?? ahha..and he gave me this stupid look on the face..madness!

everyone looked great on dat day man...can wait for the next youth leader's wedding... pastor shared from ephesians. yes, though the usual passage abt marriage but i guess it takes on a new meaning that day. had a thought..my wedding won't be a quiet affair. it would be an opportunity to invite everyone! haah... ok, u still have to wait all right. it would happen for another 6-7 years....

kinda teared when we saw the pics..so pretty!!! nice... i shall remember what i wanna do. take a pic at college's roadside lamps! ahhaha... i'll go mad taking all those pics!

sunday..went sentosa with part of programme com. jason,gary,nic,sabby,juli,jj n wz. ahha.. super mad! esp we tried to take pics and argue abt how the games ought to be. this yr's camp will be superb! cant wait... but before that, there's work to be done...(aka the marking!~~!!)

this week's schedule as follows:

monday-matriculation
tues-tuition, meet andrea.
wed-*reserved for a special cause.winkwink*(subject to *ahem* avaliability)
thur-meet pris
fri-tgif dinner
sat-meet mr ip! =)
sun-pre-uni preparation

Monday, 1st day of August 2005, I would don the student thing after EIGHT long months.....

Thursday, July 21, 2005
7/21/2005 10:20:00 PM

the talk about identity crisis..

met karin opposite school to get down to uni for health check-up. while walking out i kinda self-talked.

"ms tan, you are an uni undergraduate, shed off the teacher talk, the teacher look, the teacher mannerism...."

but i couldn't. i was busy marking some of your compositions while i waited for karin to do her tests. the whole room was staring at me. the fact that i was marking.

sigh... i have no idea how i would feel next week this time. the pain's pretty unbearable.

today wasn't an easy day. not just because i had to scold some students but well, maybe i should not indulge in that sense of loss. it is definitely not healthy.

this is one of the most critical period of my life. coping with changes, growing up to be an adult, meeting new people, keeping in contact with friends, going back to school and being a student...

i have seen both sides of the coin. now, let me get back to the other side. the one which i have to embrace for the next 4 years.

i need to decide, by not deciding i have decided to remain status quo.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
7/20/2005 10:50:00 PM

best friend called and said he's out of ocs.

that poor boy. i almost cried when i heard that.i know how much he wanted to be an officer.(and he knew how much i wanted to go ocs prom with him)

sigh...hope he's ok man.. he never told me anything until he's officially out of it. sigh..i'm worried. terribly worried for him.

something about this best fren of mine is that we have known each other for 12 years, being apart most of the time. but the friendship is strong. i know i can depend on him for anything, and he knows i'm always there to encourage him.

such cool platonic relationship.

someone used to ask whether are we together. no way man! friendship with best fren number 1 beats being his girlfriend.

sometimes (if not, all the time) friendship is more valuable than boy-girl relationships.

for my best fren, it never crossed my mind to be his girlfriend. for a simple reason. he is too precious to argue with, too precious to be mad at. too precious to be ignored. too precious for me to bully. i would liken it to be an incestrous relationship to be together with him.

right now, there's to many things to think about.

but the mel&karin therapy proves to be the best!=)

the next few days would be difficult.

"You keep me safe in a crazy world..."

Tuesday, July 19, 2005
7/19/2005 10:40:00 PM

gosh, has been a long week..

right now, i'm just feeling tired. it has been shear madness the past few days!

shan't track back, it's too much details anyway.

let's just put it this way, some things are indescribable.

it's 03a04 therapy tmr! but mr g and mr v aint going..sad.. i saw vincent during the dinner.. he's changed! so much more funkier now...it's great to meet old classmates and just catch up...

it's scary, in 7 days' time i'll be gone, poof! vanished! from school. i dunno whether i would be back(like ah hoc reliefing) but all in all it has been a good 5 months' experience.maybe you'll see me in 5 years' time yea?

it's scary to imagine me being 24. i dunno man. was just telling daph (when she mentioned sth abt marrying an indian man) that marriage is an honour i dream not of. i remmebered what i told eunice abt not getting married.

i think i'll cry at rachel's wedding this sat.

but before that, i always do things without regrets.

there's sth i wanna do but i've decided not to.(no regrets?)

lamb to the slaughter.

i need some josh harris therapy soon.

Saturday, July 16, 2005
7/16/2005 04:32:00 PM

i am actually blogging from my previous class's classroom... must be wondering why and what am i doing here on saturday afternoon..

beats me.

it's the 88th thing. and so far, things have been slow moving. that explains why i'm blogging now.

maybe it's because i'm fed-up with the uni timetable... it's so confusing! i have yet to plan it well...well, my refusal to go to school on tues and thurs...that's why...so much flexibility..

it's queer to hear guys saying "i havent put foundation, loose powder!!"

your teacher here doesn't dabble with things like this.

well, maybe a little these days but still....

metrosexuals.

anyway, there's like 6 more hours before i can get out of this place... shall go and do some marking.

the past few days had been great. more about those next time.

meantime, i shall indulge in the privacy of being solitary in the company of 13 others.

Thursday, July 14, 2005
7/14/2005 10:20:00 PM

before i ploke on the bed, some random things to say:

1, happy 21st to my everdearest charissa! ahha...finally 21! gosh, we have come a long way isnt it...these 6 years(& counting) has been great with you n i appreciate you to the max! blessed bdae and may our Lord continue to show you great and mighty things you have yet seen, and do them through you! love ya lotsss!! =)

2. happy 20th bdae my beloved ching. i miss you so much..though we aint talking as much as we used to, you know how much i appreciate you and all that we shared. though short but memorable. may you grow to be a matured man of God n His grace to be with you always.. =)

3. happy bdae to my kor galvin...long time never see ya liao!but knowing that God is using you in a very special manner is gd!..continue to shine for him!(gosh! you are 23 liao!)

4. to my dear adrian, i know you are on the verge of getting kicked out of ocs due to your arm injury but no matter wad, i'm always here for you ok... best friend, must be strong ok?

5. the gang who went for today's desert session.. you never fail to brighten my day..thursday with you guys is my therapy of the week! all that i have suffered seems nothing... gosh, the feeling hanging out with ex-fairsians is just great..even they are not exactly your batch..everyone just know everyone! and the feeling's not just something you get from anywhere...

i love my alma mater..i'm proud of that place!=)

Sunday, July 10, 2005
7/10/2005 10:00:00 PM

to my lovelee liliy lee lili...

it's your bdae today! sorry, i forgot and had the cheek to ask, "eh, lily, ya bdae ah?" sorry sorry.. i felt so bad today! he was sitting beside me during lunch and i had the cheek to ask such atrocious question. well, due to the fact that i'm unwell and 15th july seems a bigger day now(well, it's NOT suppose but well, sometimes you can't help it..)

i must say lily has been a great fren to me eversince we got to know each other better. of course, his endless teasing about me. so much nonsense. but he really encourages me alot! now, where can u find such nice guy?(adrian's not counted..he's my number one best friend!)

talked quite a fair bit to chua yesterday when i met him while waiting for the rest. love chua to bits man. he really encourages me alot! and it's my turn to encourage him also...

this weekend's strictly no marking. i think i'm falling ill.(i know my dear students would be shouting and screaming hooray!) but hey, my Healer has healed me of my throat infection. and He's healing me my runny nose now!

yes, for those who do not believe in miracles and the power of Jesus Christ. let me tell u this. i was seriously ill on saturday right after lunch. my thoart was hurting like mad. and i still went for cell group(and pigging out on the fries, chips, mamee...) then i came back and i fell really sick. the eyes were bloodshot.

this morning i woke up, argh...i couldn't even speak! had to drag myself to church.and i wasn't in any mood to sing. but when praise and worship started, the only thing i wanted to do is to sing.

and then, during the sermon, i was healed. really. i swallowed and then, there's no pain. AT ALL. and then the preacher said, someone's healed of throat infection! and i know it's me!!!

it that figment of my imagination? no, i tell you no. Jesus is my Healer and He wants to be yours. no matter what need you have, a physical or an emotional need, Jesus is there to fill.

some of you might have tried many ways to fill the void in your heart. but somehow nothing seems to satisfy you. friends, bgr, money, studies, looking cool, family...all these doesn't statisfy.

do you know what is the shape of this void in your heart?

it's God-shaped.

that means only God can fill.

if you want Jesus in your life, i want to pray with you and for you. you are more than welcomed to call/msg/find me in school. or to find out more, please please don't be shy!

it is my pleasure to introduce to you my Best Friend-- Jesus Christ.

Thursday, July 07, 2005
7/07/2005 08:38:00 PM

i did an entry just now but the cranky com(hey, alliteration!) decided to rebel.(this is personification hur hur hur..)

was a little(if not, very) zoned out just now.

need some o3a04 therapy!

and i met kk,whai kit and jun downstairs just now.and i'm so happy that kk got a job!yay!!! haha..okies, this is more me. the previous post was a little more solemn and "chiem" so to speak.

i realised something. there are times when u want to say something but somehow it slipped away. and the next time u try to recall, u can't exactly remember what it was about. likewise here. i wanted to make this post a replica of the lost entry but somehow the mood is not there.

i think it's the kk/whaikit/jun's effect on me.

was asking jun about the nus modules. it's going to be so fun!

but before that, let me brainstorm how to make poetry tick for you.(hey, that's a metaphor!)

if u say i'm a workaholic, let me tell you, it is an understatement.

i got 3 more weeks before i can enter nus. well, i have been in transit for the past 8 months. that's three-quarters of a yr.that's 247 days. try having such long holidays.

the reflection about these 247 days will be up next.

oh yes i remembered. thank God for those people who kept me sane today. i need to count my blessings, name them one by one and you'll be surprised what God does!=)

Friday, July 01, 2005
7/01/2005 08:42:00 PM

Something triggered this entry and I don't exactly know why.

Heard about this senior of mine who got married recently. She's barely 23. No, not shot-gun marriage.

And it triggered something in me. If i am to get married at 23, I got 4 years to date and discuss marriage.

4 years!

ok, steady.

a fren's sister got married last month too. She's 24.

Cousin got married at 24 also.

had a discussion with some ladies, they say early marriage is good. And older guys are an incentive.

Hmmmm...

*ahem! right!*

And I know some kids can't wait to receive an invite from me.

sorry, you still have to wait.(some more years that is)

Juliet said marriage is an honour (she) dreamt not of. Indeed.

for now, i contain myself to teach my students. oh! such a joy!=)

but hey, the countdown starts now. 30 more days to be an official undergraduate!=)