Simplicity

Thursday, September 29, 2005
9/29/2005 09:36:00 PM

vertigo= displacement of time and space. (literary meaning)

wow. has been a madness week. rushing the singapore studies and english projects.

now i can't differentiate between day and night. been sleeping at unearthly hours. by that i mean almost 5am everyday.

if this continues, i'll have no life.

sigh.....

it's econs test, english test and 3 more term papers to go. hang in there hannah, hang in there...

was talking to rufus and junxiang about backpacking in europe. they sure have stories to tell!

for that i'm working hard to save money and enjoy myself.

but for now, the short-term goal is windsurfing!:)

Saturday, September 24, 2005
9/24/2005 07:46:00 PM

this post is dedicated to you army boys. know you are not having a world of a time at tekong/pa/your respective units... know that 2 years will be gone like the wind. God is still there in the midst of all that you are doing!

ah ben called me all the way from australia on sunday. i was like, what the heck do you think you are doing? the phone bill's super expensive. esp he called the WHOLE world to say hi from down under. karin says he's rich, money seems like water to him. he die, he has to sponsor our europe trip. muahahaaa*evil*

oh yea, sidetrack.. i taught chinese on friday.how happening is that? man...

while we had UE, kk walked in! sigh.. i dunno how to describe. he looked so different now. i cant believe that was kk!

had dinner with them, and more army guys joined in. ben(another ben) came also! ahha... so interesting to see so many army guys around... celebrated LH's bdae..her daughter, jesalyn's so cute! really look like her... kj brought his gf and i think she's quite pretty! hahahaa... ql's quite funny, enjoyed talking abt childbirth with her. she's your white angel u know...

had coffee after that. man.. i never been out in town till late for a long time... was teasing ben and kk that they never been in town for 2 weeks! hahaha... it's quite funny to hear their army stories and all... and R kept asking me to go home coz it was late.. and he's my neighbour so he kinda looked out for me....more abt that later...

whoa, almost cab with wk to get back home. i tell u, i almost freaked out. i dunno whether he still feel anything and i dun want to know coz i never felt anything in the first place!!! spare me man...

and i said i'll go back with kk since kk's more on the way..

we didn't go back straightway. i didn't want to go home coz i knew kk seems upset and bothered by sth. we had a talk. i wanted to talk to him anyway...

it was good talk. about his army life and my uni life. how he's trying to cope.

it's nice to sit by the roadside at 1am and catch up with a fren u hardly talk to but when u talk, there's such understanding and encouragement.

oh yes, i DON'T like kk in that manner.

he's a very precious friend to have. like best friend number one.

asked him abt ching.

i do miss ching.

oh yea, R msged to check whether i was home or not.

and he's THE BROTHER to have, like his good fren G.

at the end of the day, i enjoyed this fellowship. despite being different in many areas, we got something in common.

that's the Fairfield spirit.

and the Holy Spirit in us.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
9/21/2005 11:35:00 PM

has been an eventful week i guess so far...

museum with angel was fun! haha...go check out the vatican collection at acm. indescribable.

was chilling with ms wang just now at cbd area. yes, at singapore river and we talked. din have a long talk with her for a long long time.. all the past, the present and the future.

she reminded me of this pact i made when i was 14.

i will not get attached till 18.

kinda broke the pact when i was going 17 & awhile this yr.. but i realised i did want the pact to work out.

i have been keeping it eversince.

and i have no inclination to break it ever again. well, not till 21.

some people might think it's silly to make a pact with yourself abt this sort of things. oh yes, especially affairs of the heart. well, falling in love is easy, and falling out of love is also easy.

no, i don't want to get involved in tis roller coaster ride. i prefer my serenity thank you very much.

a comment made by her and i din realise that was her impression of me.i know she always thought i'm matured beyond my age and that's eversince sec2!(oh yes, YOUR age..) and i guess looking back, i was really matured to make such a pact with myself and i did hold it! except that few months of lawlessness...

and she said this, "juan, i never thought of you getting together with guys your age. you are far matured for them."

i take that as a compliment.

kj made this comment while we were free this morning.. "juan, i din know you were younger than me. i thought i never seen u in school before coz i thought u are older."

i dunno whether that's a compliment or not but well....

that concludes one thing.

the most probable age-range guys i would be with are guys above 21.(since guys in sch are 21 and they are not matured enough for me according to ms wang..)

and she said another thing that shocked me. "juan, i dun see you getting together with guys in uni."

help! how am i going to get married since i'll be uni for 4 yrs and i wont be attached?

my dearest cousin also asked the same thing, my grandmama also...

good. now the whole world is concerned about my state of affairs. together with Mr Y, Mr N and Mr T.

i thank you very much for your sincere care and concern. when it's time, it's time. and don't worry, i would invite you to my wedding reception.

but that i can't tell you exactly when.

in case you think i'm worried coz the whole world seems attached/on the verge/going out with someone.......

i'm not one bit worried, i assure you.

for i know Who got the whole world in His hands, together with mine too.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
9/20/2005 12:17:00 AM

i can't wait to see samuel tmr.

he's adorable! he's only primary one!

oh yea, he's the first kid i fell in love with.. naughty but adorable, hyperactive but very smart.

i'm going back to the very first school i taught tmr with kj! for 4 day assignment.

wanna thank kj for all the arrangement.. nice one buddy. now i can trust you.

had tuition today and alot of interesting things struck me as i waited for my girls to finish solving trigo questions.

out of the window i saw this couple, the guy was not bad looking( as far as i could remember).

but the girl, okay, i have to say this.she's not exactly your slim model per se.

get my drift.

and as they walked past me, 2 girls on my left were giggling. do you know why? they are wondering why on earth is the guy doing with this lady who seems to be so much bigger size than him.

this is sad. i mean, hello! she is still a human being and has all the right to fall in love and all those nonsense...

but ppl just laugh at them. can u imagine, if ur future partner is not exactly good looking, and ppl laugh at you for choosing him/her?

oh yes, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

everyone wants to be with the cutest guy in school or the prettiest girl from the class next door.

my theory is, cute guys are nice to behold.(oh cmon, they DO make school a better place right? think Mr XXXX) but beyond that facade, what truly captivates you?

another thing.

i painted my nails maroon. almost black but i love it.

but society cannot accept people with black nails. the coloured lenses of our days.

(oh no, i'm getting too flowery here.)

looks like my mind is back after adjusting to life in uni.

welcome back to earth, juan.

now hit the books!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2005
9/18/2005 12:13:00 AM

i like Corrinne May's Little Superhero Girl.

just what i need now. to be a little (maybe not little..) superhero girl.

anyone wants to be my angel in disguise?

was great to be back in nan hua... for a visit yea... haha... it's great to be called ms tan again(sounds egoistic but yea..)

for those who are "concerned" about my status,thank you very much.

i'm still alive and kicking in the faculty of arts and social sciences.

oh yea, did i tell you that junyang is in my school?

he's an econs major and i happen to be taking econs this sem.

no, don't ask me to look for him in campus. He's too busy.

anyway, the point is, it's great to see u all in sch! appreciate that some of you still can recognise me. thank you thank you.

i think i have to leave this blog untouched for the nxt few weeks. there's 2 projects, 3 research papers and a report due and 2 tests by the end of october.

plus all that i need to be...(a daughter,a sister, camp comm,mag writer,shepherd..)

i need the grace of God!

that means i don't need to come up with a certain decision..YET.

Thursday, September 15, 2005
9/15/2005 10:34:00 PM

this post is dedicated to many people...

to the guys stuck in the army.. i miss u all heaps. and kk, i miss hanging out with u after parade. feels weird not having u around today..

to the lovely a04 ladies, i miss u ladies alot. esp mel and maybel!

to ms low who taught me when i was in p3.thank you for making an impact in my life.

to my sec sch, all that i went through there.

to my college, the madness mugging. and the wedding photo spot..

to mr koh, another teacher who impacted me in his own little ways.

to the 3rd gb, a place where i can grow.

to my students, i do miss u.

to my ex-colleagues, i count it a blessing to be part of you once.

**

as u can see, i'm reminiscing many things at this junction. it's not just nostalgia but a way to keep my memories alive. it's times like this that you treasure those whom u have not seen for long.

was telling kenny that growing up(and old) is not easy. and i still feel displaced sometimes. today's conversation wiith kj makes me realised i missed kk quite a fair bit. really thank God for suh a dear brother in christ and someone i can talk to.

i think this has not been an easy year. but as i look back, i can scarcely believe all that happened. how things were clear in the midst of chaos. how things work out to be fine. how mypoic we are sometimes.

and it's times like this i want to thank God for His grace that see me through all these times.

and for the journey ahead, Boey Kim Cheng the poet wished me good luck(yes, he wrote t in my book and autographed it some 8 months ago).

here's a quote from Boey which i love it very much:

"...the moments, which seemed so intensely real, are gone. while I was with my fellow pilgrims...I did not need words; crying and laughing were enough. or being silent...these images are, I think, not entirely centred on the past, but seem to me rather like tentative ways into the darkness ahead, offering strength to contend with what is difficult, dreams for future journeys. they are too, my words of gratitude...for the people in whose company i prayed long and gazed deep... From them I gained a sense of mission which has written part of my life, into existence"

Boey Kim Cheng, Another Place.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
9/13/2005 09:58:00 PM

before i hit the books again, let me have some fun at this quiz..

Three Names You Go By
1. Hannah
2. juan
3. ms tan

Three physical things you like about yourself
1. my eyes(apparently, they are nice)
2. my hair(dyed but i still like them!)
3. my tanned skin(eh, maybe it's not as tanned as before...)

Three parts of your heritage
1. My ancestors were from China
2. Hokkien
3. I got diluted malay royal blood(surprise surprise!!)

Three of your everyday essentials
1. handphone
2. waterbottle
3. wallet

Three things you are wearing right now
1. my old college pe shirt
2. track pants
3. red specs!

Three of your favourite bands or musical artists
1. planetshakers
2. andrew yeo!
3. corrinne may

Three of your favourite songs(there's more than 3!!!)
1. angel in disguise
2. running after you
3. you in me

Three things you want in a relationship
1. God
2. love
3. trust

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you
1. must be the eyes
2. height(not too tall pls! i'm short!)
3. and the warm smile!

Three of your favourite hobbies
1. playing my guitar
2. use the net
3. poetry

Three things you want to do really badly right now
1. skip lit test...(FAT CHANCE!)
2. Sleep
3. SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!

Three careers you’re considering/you’ve considered
1.a teacher!(i'm well on that road NOW)
2. a poet.
3. A doctor.(nah, i can't now..)

Three places you want to go on vacation
1. Australia visit Charissa!
2. US
3. Thailand

Three kid’s names you like
1. Josiah!!!!
2. Chloe
3. Joy=)

Three things you want to do before you die
1. leave a legacy, that people will know who is the One i love
2. to see the last sunset
3. to reconcile with all long lost friends

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy
1.I'm handsome and cute( hahahaahaaa!!!)
2. I got a huge ego problem but i am not willing to admit.
3. I'm nice to girls

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl
1. I love SHOPPING !
2. I love to see cute guys!
3. I hate being untidy.

Monday, September 12, 2005
9/12/2005 12:11:00 AM

this week is going to be busy.

before i start the week, i just want to be reminded of this:

'it's not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' thus saith the Lord of Hosts.(Zer 4:6)

to those who feels super stressed out because the coming week is going to be hectic, know that God is the stillness in the storm. Be still and know that He is God, He is in control.

that's my personal reminder to myself and fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

His grace is sufficient!

so many times we forget that God is always there to help, and we take things in our hands, trying to solve the many problems that we have. and only to find out we need the grace of God.

there is a reason why i'm called Hannah.

Hannah means "The grace of God." "God is gracious."

That's why Christianity is not a religion, but a daily walk with the Living God who is even more real than the demands made on you in life.Why settle for no help (or self-help) when the Creator of heaven and earth is eveready to show you the way?

Thursday, September 08, 2005
9/08/2005 11:50:00 PM

I love shopping.(I know I sound weird but there's the truth!)

Surprise??

Haha... Got the self some belated bdae presents comprising of brown skirt, belt and a surprise surprise.. green shoes.

YES, green with purple details!

I can't stand myself. all within 40SGD!

when MY day comes, I'll go even much more crazier...

Must think of a list of things to get. Of course, I need to tidy up the place a little. Otherwise there's no room for people to bunk in after school.

ps--- joe:Have fun in army. I'm sure you would.(bleah..) kk: I'll miss you and have fun!(muahaaha)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
9/06/2005 01:30:00 AM

The day was good until I saw his picture on her blog.

Don't worry, he's not my ex-boyfriend(NO WAY MAN!). A very good friend of mine until he decided we are not friends anymore for some strange reasons. Sometimes I just don't understand guys...

Anyway, we humans should not be too pessimistic hence I shall dwell on things that are cheery. Had cake#5(well, not exactly cake..) this evening. Now I do have my fill and it's time to get down to work! The presentation was not bad! But I realised I lost the ability to stand in front of a number of people and speak. Strange isn't it? It was barely a month ago I stopped teaching! The project was split and it's time to work! I'm blogging this at 1.30am and there's a tutorial class at 8 am later... More dark rings and eyebags!

And that means I can't keep this updated often. Please utilise the tagboard! Talk to me you silent readers...

Sunday, September 04, 2005
9/04/2005 07:09:00 PM

Eventful is the word. As such it calls for randomness..

Cake#1 came from the project mates! Surprise surprise!! A huge one in fact. They are so sweet!! Haha...Sat with them during lecture also. Dr B was abit draggy though but was good! Yea, walked back to Sci fac with Andy, just like last week. He's super funny! I can't stand him man.. He keeps calling me "xiao mei mei" and I just have to call him"UNCLE!!" Haha.. It's valid. He's 24!

Cake#2 by my dearest family! Mom prepared steamboat.. =) As usual, that nonsense brother of mine had to take lots of nonsense crap pictures..

Cake#3 came from ah ben!! Went dinenr with him on sat. Ws great. Some turkish cafe of sorts. Wanted to recommend Max Brenner's to him but too bad, it was full. Walked to Boat Quay's TCC for desert. Great to catch up with him man..And he's going to the good land of AUssie for his pilot training! Yay, I'm going to have a pilot friend!

Cake#4 came from the Zone.. Was quite funny actually. We were eating at Katong then the lights went off suddenly. And someone started singing happy bdae to Terry(Happy Birthday brother!!) and then mine! Sweet.. Cake was really good!

Jason was really really sweet! He gave me Faithworks voucher! Hee....And after our meeting I realised I got so much to learn from him.

So much hooha about me turning 19. And Pris said i'm hitting big 2 soon. well, in another 363 days? In the meantime, I shall make use of my last yr as a teen wisefully.

I simply adore my little Clara and baby mei mei Faith!! My precious nieces!=)

Friday, September 02, 2005
9/02/2005 02:52:00 PM

Here's to a friend of 19 years.

The Birthday Song (by Corrinne May)

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids' shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul
You've helped to grow a little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Dont ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've share together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true